The Life of the Fat Lady
by LaSchifosaVita
Summary: Owl sex, headless portraits, and angry Weasleys, Oh My. hg sd This story is done completely in challenges so it makes little sense but turned out pretty well.
1. The Challenge

-1A/N: Since I was considering turning this into a slightly more coherent and less challenge driven story, I decided that it might be a good time to post what the actual challenge was.

In the order they were used:

-Must be multiple chapters

-About the Fat Lady

-Must include downfalls of being headless

-Someone must body slam someone else

-Someone must get the better of Sir Canovan

-Their must be a chase

-Must allude to vomiting or include actual vomiting

-Must include angry half naked Weasleys

-A frying pan must be used as a weapon

-Colin Creevey must photograph something embarrassing

-Harry must be stripped by more than one male Weasley

-Dumbledore's portrait must be included


	2. Owls sex and other things

I can't find my paper with the story so I'm making it up as I go along and am coming up with a whole new one and I don't remember much HTML so it might look strange and not make sense. 

That was my attempt at skipping a line. Anyway everything belongs to J. K. Rowling except anyone from the past. 

I was always waiting for one of those heartless people walking past me to stop and talk with me. Then I was a person not a talking painting like I am now. My name is Annabelle Highingway but most people know me by the name those little bratty Gryffindors have known me by since 1860. The Fat Lady. Ever since Katherine a freshly sorted first year was made fun of and fealing very irittable. 

And my time here has been miserable ever since. Did you know I was redone 9 times? 9! And seven of them were because of those evil Weasly twins. They didn't even wait until they had gone to their first lesson to start with their pranks. One of them was because of Peeves the Poltergeist. There is nothing to say about him everyone knows that he's a downright menace to society. And the last was apparently done by an escapee from Azkaban. He got me better than anyone ever did. But I must say the students were much nicer for awhile after that. I think they were glad to be away from Sir. Canovan. He does get rather annoying after awhile. 

I have some friends. like Violet. I can enjoy her company though she is one to gossip. I do enjoy her tales about everything that goes on in that Owlery. I feel bad for the owls though. Especially the young ones they really shouldn't know about things like that. Though I don't really know what age owls mate. Must ask Violet about those poor girl has to watch that too. 

Well that was not planned. Really should hire the rating did not expect to be talking about owl sex at the end. Do not know what to write now.


	3. Headless Portraits and Meeting time!

I want reviews very badly! I don't know why but I do. I know the first chapter is short but I wrote myself into a corner. I don't think even J. K. could get from owl sex to another topic that quickly. I'm still not sure what I'm doing yet but by the looks of it you don't have to know HTML to post. Enjoy and I like you just for reading but I'd love you if you review. Plus if anyone has any info on the mating of owls I'd love to know it. I'm adding to this a little bit.

I just talked to Violet. She is mean. She has just told me that everyone knows when owls mate. I think she doesn't know and just wants to make it seem like she does. Now I don't have any one to talk to. I hate those first years they constantly need instructions on how to get around the castle. One of them just asked where the great hall is. How can they not know that it's like they haven't eaten since September? I have to go to one of the portrait meetings today. They are very pointless. The slytherin portrait doesn't even talk. It is a bloody mess. It lost its head. I mean it literally lost it. So somewhere in a painting in Egypt there is a head having a one sided conversation. He also can't tell where he is going. Like I said before he lost his head. 

I'm back from the meeting at least it ended early. He kept running into people like crazy. Maybe something was attacking the picture he left his head in. Violet is still refusing to tell me when owls mate. And I am still refusing to let her sit in my portrait. She has to stand in hers. She'll have to find someone else to share a seat with.

That Granger girl is back after another late night in the library. She needs to watch where see is going more often slammed right into my portrait. I don't know why I volunteered for this job. I wish the only opening wasn't down in the dungeons. Even though they never clean the portraits here but could you imagine being in the dungeons with all those spiders. Here come the Weasley twins they must have been up to something or had a detention. 

__

*It is cold and dusty and very dark. I can barley see a few feet in front of my face. Oh my, are those rats? One of them are on my portrait. Ouch. It has sharp claws. Ow! I'm in the dudgeons. Violet! I would be happy to see the Weasley twins now.*

Well not that happy. I must have dozed of and they started to poke me. 

"I'm going back to bed now if you two don't mind.

"Of course we don't mind."

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Now I have piece and quiet. Oh not another one. Here comes the girl of the family must have been sitting in Flitwik's classroom crying again. I don't think I'll make her say the password. She doesn't have long until everyone wakes up. She needs to clean her face her eyes are all puffy.

Here comes yet another person. Can't a portrait get any sleep?


	4. Slytherin gets a head

All right time to answer some reviews. I already worked in how she was able to be the Gryffindor door. It just won't come up until a lot later. This chapter is about when her and Vi cave in and start gossiping like mad with another. And it was planned out like that too. I don't remember if they ever say what her name was bit I'm going to still call her Annabelle. 

WARNING: **SLASH SUGESTED **IN THIS CHAPTER **NOT** BETWEEN VI AND ANNABELLE BUT INBETWEEN THE PEOPLE THEY TALK ABOUT. **NOT ENOUGH TO AFFEND ANYONE!!**

"You will not believe what I saw!" I turned around and there was Vi with the look she always has when she was stuck in her portrait to long. Not even waiting for a reply she hurried on. "I want to tell you this as discreetly as I can. I saw Semus and Dean in the Owlery doing more than writing letters."

"If your surprised by that you won't believe what Gryffindors I saw walk in right after another way after midnight. I'm not exactly sure if they were together or even in the same room. Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley."

We talked about the likeliness of that for a while before Vi told me about the next portrait meeting. "It will be longer than the last one. The Slytherin portrait found his head down in the dungeons."

*A/N 200 years old is pretty young in portrait ages so they are acting their age*

~~~~~THE MEETING~~~~

The meetings aren't much calmer. Sir Canovan is fighting with Vi. He called her scurvy Bogart and now she just body slammed him. A painting of Professor Dumbledore is trying to get everyone to calm down and got back in his or her seats. Almost everyone is on his or her feet cheering Vi on. I think everyone should sit down though because the Slytherin portrait has waited so long for his head. Also Dumbledore has been so nice for having an auditorium room painted it is much better than the old Coliseum we used to meet in. 

Eventually everyone sat down and it slowly got quiet. The Slytherin portrait had not shown up yet. We were sent back.


	5. The Chase is on

I know I haven't updated this in a while and I wasn't planning on updating but I got some new ideas. And Percy is still in school. Disclaimer: Everything belongs to someone besides me.

Vi is angry at Dumbledor's portrait. She's staying in mine because for some reason she thinks this will make him angry. I don't know what reason she has to be angry with him it didn't seem like he did anything wrong. Vi was a little tipsy yesterday afternoon and when Professor Snape walked past she called him a greasy-haired old fogy but that wasn't all. After, when Semus and Dean walked past she shouted some rude thing at them something about being friskier than the owls. And even worse Dumbledor dropped down in time to see the whole thing Apparently Snape went running to the portrait to tell on Vi and Dumblerdor came to check in on her.

At least she was there for some of the best gossip that I've not only heard but witnessed first hand. Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley have been seen several times coming into the common room just before morning minuets apart. 

Oh no, here comes the whole Weasley clan. The terrible twins, Fred and George, Ron, and Ginny the youngest and only girl. The boys seemed to almost be interrogating her.

"Ginny where were you last night?" One of the twins asked. The girl just squeaked and didn't ask her. The boy tried again. Still he didn't get an answer.

Then, the girl did one of the best escapes I've ever seen. "I think I'm going to be sick!" She yelled and raced down the hall she even made sound effects after rounding the corner. She must have ducked into a room after that because after the boy past a few doorways she came out and went over to my portrait.

"Quite impressive,' I told her, 'best I've seen in years."

Then, she said the password thanked me and went in.

***

The next morning, Harry Potter let out a scream and went running through the portrait. Vi and I had no idea what was wrong with him until I saw four Weasley boys in varying degrees of dress chasing after him. By then Vi and me were laughing so hard that we almost wet the portrait if portraits could go to the bathroom. Then little Ginny came running out with a frying pan chasing after her brothers. Now that I think about it I'm not sure where she got the frying pan but that isn't important right now. Then A few seconds later all the Gryffindors came running out and they also were in varying degrees of dress. Colin Crevey was in the lead taking pictures like crazy only wearing the pants to his pajamas and a robe. Well Vi and I instantly decided to join the chase running from portrait to portrait. By the time we could see Potter and the Weasleys Colin had caught up too and was taking pictures of everyone and everything. He got one of me and Vi running through Dumbledor's portrait. Dumbledor looked more amused than angry but yell a bit anyway. I think he felt bad for poor Potter who had lost half his robe and was standing there in his underwear after Percy taking a wild grab at him ended up with Harry's pants in his hand. Colin was still taking pictures and by then we had gotten the attention of most of the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs and all the teachers.

"Miss Patil please go tell the house elves to delay breakfast a few minuets. Mr. Weasley if you wouldn't mind could you give Mr. Potter his pants back? Mr. Creevey could you please stop taking pictures. Professor Snape I don't think it's overly appropriate for you to be laughing right now." Dumbledor finished and everyone either went to his or her common room to finish dressing or to the Great Hall for breakfast. Me and Vi went back to my portrait.


End file.
